dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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