I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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