At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Randomize
