ADVERTISEMENT

• (970): View more from Colorado

  Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"

  Fav 44 18808 1584

  share tweet
  

• (916): View more from California

  That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.

  Fav 4 737 1701

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (772): View more from Florida

  When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.

  Fav 14 925 2534

  share tweet
  

• (913): View more from Kansas

  Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.

  (816): View more from Missouri

  Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????

  Fav 6 1387 593

  share tweet
  

• (214): View more from Texas

  We can put you in charge of something

  (1-214): View more from Texas

  I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous

  Fav 3 1410 592

  share tweet
  

• (307): View more from Wyoming

  There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one

  Fav 8 1436 732

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (443): View more from Maryland

  I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...

  Fav 1 430 725

  share tweet
  

• (616): View more from Michigan

  Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.

  Fav 2 704 507

  share tweet
  

• (860): View more from Connecticut

  Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong

  (1-860): View more from Connecticut

  It's 4 in the afternoon........

  Fav 2 1030 544

  share tweet
  

• (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone

  Fav 2 595 445

  share tweet
  

• (216): View more from Ohio

  if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid

  Fav 1 841 501

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (248): View more from Michigan

  Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack

  Fav 0 413 576

  share tweet
  

• (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.

  Fav 1 31 37

  share tweet
  

• (347): View more from New York

  Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents

  Fav 0 28 44

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (303): View more from Colorado

  Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.

  Fav 0 113 114

  share tweet
  

Randomize