I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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