i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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