you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
