the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
