I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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