NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
