i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
