Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
