There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
