Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
