Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Randomize
