i think i recognize dicks better than faces
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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