I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
you will always have a special place in my vag
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Randomize
