So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
