...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
