A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
