sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
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