I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I will pee on everything he values.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
