im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
