So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Randomize
