My room smells like vodka and shame
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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