Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
porn star boner night. come get it.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize