my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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