Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
