Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
