As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
