Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Randomize
