my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize