WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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