She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize