I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
handjob tips. give me some.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
