I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
no, he came in my armpit
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
