I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
