This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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