I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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