remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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