I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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