I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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