She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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