Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
