I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
