I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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