YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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