I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize