Pregnant stripper...not hot.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
