I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize