i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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