good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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