Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
