my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
