you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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