...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize