We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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