its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize