Are we in a gay sports bar?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
