I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
