I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
