I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
