Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
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