Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
