My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
We talked him into tasing himself.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
