Tell her she can't have a vagina
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
i out mim tonsoeep
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
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