It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
