Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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