O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Randomize
