I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
