Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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