You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Randomize
