I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
