if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
