this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Randomize
